I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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