I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
