I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
