as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize