I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
