some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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