Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
