I feel great
I just peed on a car
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
