i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
