so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
