I just made out with a guy for $7.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
