no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
