I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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