So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
