Jerry, you need to find god
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
