...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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