I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
