lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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