They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
