That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
