Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
