Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
