Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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