I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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