it hurts more in the daytime
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
