so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
