Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize