You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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