He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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