I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
