The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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