"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize