Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Randomize
