May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
