just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And then he peed in my hair
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