Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
