Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
