He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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