he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You made out with two different species that night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
