she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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