She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
