i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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