Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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