Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
