By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
