You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize