..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
