Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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