no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
