ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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