So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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