I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
