jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize