rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
