you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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