my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
