after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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