thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
