Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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