Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
