i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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