If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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