im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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