why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
