when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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