I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
