I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
