you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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