Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
