the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
