I'm gonna have a badass scar
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
