she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
